If you know anything about me, you know how much I struggle with the displacement we experience as a military family. Frankly, the military can make me crazy. CRAZY. When I first heard that Bryon was about to spend a week in Shreveport, I immediately became jealous of the warmer (albeit more humid!) weather he'd be enjoying. I laugh even writing this. Jealous? Of Shreveport? I couldn't possibly count the times I cursed that place while we were there. Nonetheless, I found myself becoming jealous of the fact that he was going back. It's the place we both settled into our jobs. It's the place we became parents. It's the place we brought Maksim home for the very first time and settled into our new normal. It's the place I became a stay-at-home-mom. It's the place Maksim took his first steps, learned to swim, played out in the backyard with Kira for hours on end, celebrated his first birthday and learned he was going to be a big brother. It feels a little bit like Louisiana was the real beginning of "us."
Truth be told, Louisiana isn't at the top of my list of places we've lived - not by a long shot. However, I've come to feel that I'd really be ok with returning to any of the places we've been stationed. In all reality, from Texas to Louisiana to Florida to New Hampshire...there's a little bit of home in each of those places. And, for me, returning to something "known" and "comfortable" is a heck of a lot more welcoming than the dreaded unknown of a new place. Relocating should be exciting and full of opportunity and adventure. And, believe me, there was once a time where moving was all about those things. But, after 33 years and 10 states to call home (2 of which I've lived in twice and 1 of which I've lived in 3 different times...that's essentially 13 states in 33 years AND doesn't account for the multiple residences I've lived at within those states!), I'm feeling like I've earned the right to say, "I'm done!". It's no wonder that I'm at a loss for any feeling of "roots" in my life. Moving: I long to be finished with this chapter - at least for a substantial period of time. I want to unpack the moving boxes and throw them away because I don't intend to use them again! I want to paint my house, hang pictures on the walls and enjoy furniture that intentionally fits into select rooms. I want to buy a home without resale being the #1 factor for the purchase. I want to mark my kids' heights on a door frame instead of a piece of 2x4 that's mobile. I want traditions that stay within the walls of my house and the constraints of my "home" city/state. I want the mundane routine of things/people/places I know (and honestly, the majority of me always has). But doesn't everyone? I guess I can sum it all up with:
"Y'all, this move has been HARD."
Truth be told, Louisiana isn't at the top of my list of places we've lived - not by a long shot. However, I've come to feel that I'd really be ok with returning to any of the places we've been stationed. In all reality, from Texas to Louisiana to Florida to New Hampshire...there's a little bit of home in each of those places. And, for me, returning to something "known" and "comfortable" is a heck of a lot more welcoming than the dreaded unknown of a new place. Relocating should be exciting and full of opportunity and adventure. And, believe me, there was once a time where moving was all about those things. But, after 33 years and 10 states to call home (2 of which I've lived in twice and 1 of which I've lived in 3 different times...that's essentially 13 states in 33 years AND doesn't account for the multiple residences I've lived at within those states!), I'm feeling like I've earned the right to say, "I'm done!". It's no wonder that I'm at a loss for any feeling of "roots" in my life. Moving: I long to be finished with this chapter - at least for a substantial period of time. I want to unpack the moving boxes and throw them away because I don't intend to use them again! I want to paint my house, hang pictures on the walls and enjoy furniture that intentionally fits into select rooms. I want to buy a home without resale being the #1 factor for the purchase. I want to mark my kids' heights on a door frame instead of a piece of 2x4 that's mobile. I want traditions that stay within the walls of my house and the constraints of my "home" city/state. I want the mundane routine of things/people/places I know (and honestly, the majority of me always has). But doesn't everyone? I guess I can sum it all up with:
"Y'all, this move has been HARD."
On the upside, the vast network of connections we make as a result of our military experience is undeniable. When else would Bryon have been able to spend a week in Louisiana and come home with a fresh loaf of made-from-scratch honey wheat bread from my sweet friend? It's things like that which kind of make up for all the rest of it. At least in the short term. And the fact that I can call a handful of people I've met along the way LIFELONG friends? Relationships I'd have otherwise never stumbled upon? Well, that helps make up for it in the long run.
I love this, Lindsey! So real. And so relatable.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine, since I am a total creature of habit! Definitely makes your jump in with both feet and make connections, especially now that you kiddos on the move with you. It takes a village to raise them and you can't do it alone.
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